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It's a Cracker

Published: 23/12/13

We’ve been a bit low on the funny claims just lately, so we thought you might like to test your colleagues to see if they can guess the punch line from these Christmas cracker jokes recently featured in The Telegraph.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can 'ho ho ho'!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

Who is Santa's favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley!

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

What did Santa say to the smoker?

Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Krisp Kringle!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

Horn-aments!

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles!

Did Rudolph go to school?

No. He was Elf-taught!

Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle!

What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?


One that's deep pan, crisp and even!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

What does Santa do with fat elves?


He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?


It's Christmas, Eve!

What carol is heard in the desert?


O camel ye faithful!

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Cross Mouse Cards!

What athlete is warmest in winter?


A long jumper!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?


Tinsilitis!

What's the most popular Christmas wine?

'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?


Mistle-toad!

Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?


Noël Coward!

What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

 

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